Critique of Pragmatic Dharma #3
I feel the need to begin this post with a brief remark about my intentions. To my mind, critique is a high form of respect; it is a sincere dialog with a person and his or her ideas. Pragmatic Dharma (PD) has provoked a great deal of personal thought and exploration for me, which has been quite valuable. It is in this spirit that I write these posts.
In my last two posts, I wrote about the ways that I see PD as based upon an impoverished view of the mind and about the philosophical basis for a more compelling understanding of the mental. In this, my last post, on PD, I would like to discuss the theory of transformation inherent in the movement, or at least my limited understanding of it.
From what I learned in Ingram’s recent appearance on the Imperfect Buddha podcast, the end result (at least for Ingram himself) of his ‘enlightenment’ has been that he no longer experiences himself as an agent in a specific sense: the ‘doer, knower, controller’ has disappeared entirely. This, he claims, has taken place through repeated progression through ‘four paths,’ each of which is compromised by 16 stages of insight that must be traversed and which culminates in the experience of ‘cessation,’ when conscious experience disappears entirely. I would like to address two questions here: (1) how the experience of cessation is understood to transform the mind and (2) what it might mean to no longer experience yourself as the ‘doer, knower, controller’.
Beginning with the first question, members of the PD movement seem to regard cessation as a “transformational object” (Bollas, 1987), an experience that will alter self-experience to a remarkable degree, akin to a mother soothing a young child in acute distress, transforming his agony into relaxation and delight. In this sense, it acquires a religious aspect, as a purported experience of salvation that will free one from the pain of the ‘three characteristics’ (suffering, impermanence, and not-self). The cessation experience is, similarly, cast as a ‘peak experience,’ a euphoric state that is typically achieved after a great deal of effort and commitment to a system of practice and thought. It is, finally, understood as an event that leads to lasting transformation of the mind itself.
But how is it, exactly, that a cessation experience could lead to lasting transformation of the mind? If it did, surely it would happen through an incremental learning process, something that took place over a long period of time and through repeated iterations, accompanied by a deep understanding of of the meaning of the event. Indeed, at least one astute Buddhist teacher has written that it is not the experience of cessation that is important but the understanding that the experience promotes (Burbea, 2014). Certainly the experience of cessation reveals that experience, and the self-as-agent in particular, is constructed in some sense, but it hardly seems necessary to go through 16 stages of insight to realize that, even in a deeply experiential way. That said, I am not sure that this revelation carries all of the implications that members of the PD movement seem to feel that it does.
I have often encountered the idea that “because experience is constructed, we can deconstruct it and the re-construct it differently.” This is certainly true in a trivial sense: it’s possible for us to shift the ways that our minds are making meaning, to some degree, over time. Yet I also feel that much of the dialogue I have encountered fails to acknowledge the limits of reconstruction (that is, constraints on meaning). This, ultimately, is a defense against mourning the losses and disappointments inherent in life. It is, I would suggest, through such mourning that the mind grows stronger.
Consider Ingram’s (paraphrased) comment, “A smell of a rose is just a bunch of chemicals. It’s not real.” (He makes similar comments about a number of other phenomena, such as the color blue.) Since the phenomena we experience aren’t ‘real,’ we can reconstruct them in any way we want. (Impressively, Ingram seems to have cultivated a capacity for concentration that renders his perception remarkably pliable, which he describes as ‘magic.’ What is magic, though, if not a fantasy of omnipotence in which the world yields to one’s control.) No matter how compelling this idea feels, I suspect that most of us have an intuition that there are profound limits on the meanings that we can make, that they are constrained by the material and the social. [1]
Let’s now turn to the second question: what might it mean for the ‘agency, doer, controller’ – the self-as-agent model – to be eliminated?
The self-as-agent model refers to an internal representation of ourselves – ‘me’ – that stands in various relations to (representations of) objects in the outside world and is capable of having an impact upon them. How does this internal representation develop? According to Stern (1985), around the second or third month of the infant’s life, she begins to experience herself as an agent. What he means by agency is a sense of authorship of one’s own actions and nonauthorship of the actions of others. This is one of four experiences that form an organized sense of a core self in the early months of life. The experience of agency can be broken down into three invariants of experience: (1) the sense of volition that precedes a motor act, (2) the proprioceptive feedback that does or does not occur during the act, and (3) the predictability of the consequences that follow the act. In other words, the infant begins to develop an internal model – a core sense of self – that reflects her capacity to move about in the world, to ‘do’ movement. Benjamin (1990) has written about how this sense of agency expands to the relational domain as the baby learns that she can make her mother smile. We can imagine how this self-as-agent model expands further throughout the child’s development to capture her expanding sense of agency in a wide variety of contexts.
Now, Ingram seems to be claiming that he no longer has a conscious experience of himself as an agent, as someone who is initiating action in the sense just described, but rather that experience arises ‘on its own’ and then disappears, only to re-emerge again in the next moment. I find it entirely believable that it’s possible to establish a meditative state in which this, phenomenologically, seems to be the case. I have experienced this myself. That does not mean that the representation has been eliminated from my mind, though. On the contrary, it has only become latent, occluded by aspects of my conscious experience that have become more compelling. This is how defense mechanisms work, for example: I simply do not look at, or allow myself to put into words, something that troubles me, instead focusing my attention that is less disturbing.
I am skeptical that this model of agency has been eliminated from the mind entirely. If it had, how would the person manage to get around in the world, to understand, for example, that if I initiate a certain physical action, a given consequence will result? That self-as-agent model originated for a purpose, after all. It may be that conscious awareness of the model has been suppressed, but I suspect that the model is still very much in place. Ingram describes himself as ‘sometimes arrogant.’ What would it mean to be arrogant if not that the self-as-agent model carries a certain valence, that of the self as more powerful than, in fact, it is? To uproot the self-as-agent model from the mind entirely would, I think, render an individual entirely incompetent to function in the world.
[1] Interestingly, Ingram describes himself as ‘hypomanic.’ I understand mania, in part, as an erasure of difference, a profound relativizing of distinctions and an undoing of loss.
References
Benjamin, J. (1990). An outline of intersubjectivity: The development of recognition. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 7S, 33 – 46.
Bollas, C. (1987). The shadow of the object: Psychoanalysis of the unthought known. London: Free Association Books.
Burbea, R. (2014). Seeing that frees: Meditations on emptiness and dependent arising. Devon: Hermes Amara Publications.
Stern, D.N. (1985). The Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology. New York: Basic Books.
Very helpful analysis of the problems caused by the limited understanding of philosophy of mind. This limited understanding is so common in contemporary Buddhism in America—your analysis here seems to me to apply to many popular versions of Buddhism, not just to Ingram.
I’ve tried for many years to argue what you explain so well here: that when we think we can freely construct our experiences, we are in fact assuming the existence of a completely unconstructed (transcendent) self. This assumes a kind of magical power over the world—what I usually refer to, borrowing the term from Lacan, as a fantasy of imaginary plenitude (sort fo like primary narcissism). I seem to remember even having an exchange about this with Ingram many years ago, but I could not explain the point in a way that he could understand. What Ingram assumes (and mindfulness, and many other forms of Western Buddhism) is the existence of exactly the kind of unconstructed “self”, or atman, that I take Buddhism to be arguing against. What they deny is the reality of the only kind of “self” that is in fact real, and that can have real agency: that is, the self constructed in a discourse and practice (like psychoanalysis or certain kinds of Buddhism) meant to help us collectively determine exactly how we are socially constructed.
Your approach to this seems primarily focused on the individual. I’ve always been interested in this. About a decade ago, when I was very involved in a Buddhist group, many people would say that meditation helped them tremendously, but they stopped doing it and dreaded the thought of taking it up again. I would ask why, but nobody could tell me. I suspected, after discussing this with several people, was that meditation was functioning as a kind of defense mechanism, but had eventually stopped working. Defense mechanisms do work, after all, some of the time or we wouldn’t have so many of them. The issues the mediation had helped, temporarily, to avoid had just continued, or gotten worse.
My own concern is that meditation, in the sense you describe, also works to help us avoid acknowledging our “projects and ambitions” (to use your phrase). These projects, or intentions, are, I would argue, always at some level socially produced—our individual intentions are made possible by larger social-symbolic systems of meaning. When we engage in meditation, we make the mistake of ignoring how our supposedly non-conceptual perceptions of things are actually shaped by collective social-symbolic meaning systems functioning to promote certain kinds of projects and ambitions (and to rule out others). We reify certain social constructions, and call it freedom from social construction. In short, my concern is that even if the defense mechanism does work for some individual, they have a responsibility not to engage in it if it has a broader negative effect on the collective social world they are part of. It won’t do to ignore the disastrous negative consequences of our projects to make ourselves feel better.
Sorry for the long comment—I hope you have greater success making this argument than I ever have. It is a very important thing to understand, if our hope is to reduce human suffering.
wtpepper
June 20, 2019 at 10:55 pm
I think your critique of PD here is very sharp. I happen to know for a fact that Ingram has not eliminated a “sense of self,” as he claims. I also happen to know that he knows that he hasn’t. That is, Ingram is in no way deluded about this. His intention for claiming that he has eliminated the “self” may be inferred, but I’ll refrain from doing so.
I spent a good deal of time engaging in these practices, as you have. It remains unclear to me, as well, exactly the mechanism by which the experience of “cessation” is supposedly transformative. I would argue, along the lines of yourself, and of Tom above, that this “transformation” is in fact socially produced in shared symbolic systems. That is, the transformation occurs not as a result of any experience of cessation itself but within the socially produced discourse around that experience. The experience of cessation within the discourse of PD will, of course, lead to very specific outcomes that are dictated and produced by that very discourse. There is nothing about “cessation” on its own that means anything; the only meaning such an experience can take on is that which is implied in the discourse surrounding the practice that functions to produce that experience. I happen to think that this particular discourse is, as you claim, underdeveloped.
As it happens, I don’t think the PD stages and “insights” transform much at all. I suppose that, in one sense, it “transforms” inasmuch as it serves to repress the sense of self that is allegedly extinguished. From my experience, the only transformation such a practice elicits is a complete inability to understand precisely the points you raise here, and the inability to grasp that the self is socially constructed, and that it still exists even if it is repressed. Again, I can’t say why Ingram makes the claims that he does about his “subjective experience,” but I know that he is bullshitting, and I know that he knows that he is bullshitting.
Failed Buddhist
June 21, 2019 at 3:09 pm
I wrote a response to your critiques. It is extremely long (almost 21,000 words), though it includes all of your text, as it is a point-by-point, as is my style. It has other elements of my style as well that are predictable by those who know me. What shall I do with it? I could either try to post here, though I don’t know if WordPress can handle that, or could email it to you first for you to review before I post it, or could just post it on one of my sites and leave a link here for those who might be interested. Let me know which you prefer. -Daniel
danielmingram
June 21, 2019 at 5:17 pm
Hi Daniel. If you email it to me, I can post it on this blog in an effort to promote further discussion. I don’t know if posting it as a comment will work.
parletre
June 21, 2019 at 5:24 pm
You can find my email address through About on the blog itself.
parletre
June 21, 2019 at 5:46 pm
Also, giving this all the time it is due: Failed Buddhist’s claims regarding me are false.
danielmingram
June 21, 2019 at 5:19 pm
Just to be clear here, you are doubling down on your claims to have eliminated what you describe as any sense of self, is that correct? So you will continue to claim that it is, in fact, the case that you have eliminated entirely any sense of “self,” “agent,” “watcher,” “doer,” to use some of your terms? And that this elimination is “hardwired,” such that these senses do not arise ever?
If this is the case, then I’m afraid I’ve overestimated your honesty and genuine willingness to engage in critical conversations. I had hoped, perhaps foolishly, that it was possible to engage with you pragmatic dharma ideologues in the service of salvaging something useful from Mahasi-style practice in a way that (a) takes into account the ideological content of such practices, and (b) is honest about what is and is not possible (or desirable) to accomplish through such practices.
I really cannot engage with people who deny being human, especially knowing that you are dishonest rather than delusional. I will grant that you guys (“you guys” being you spokespeople for pragmatic dharma), that you </appear to be interested in sifting the shit from the gold. You consistently claim that you want to do away with the grand claims of Gurus and Masters, that you want to be honest about the limits of meditation. And yet you remain dishonest about what these practices have done for you.
Why do you feel the need to lie about this, Daniel? Is it money (highly unlikely given that you don’t charge for teachings)? Respect? The comfort of self-delusion? Honestly, I am utterly baffled by your response here. What would happen if you were to admit that these claims are bullshit? Are you really going to give into the greatest of all ironies by allowing your ego, which you clearly still possess, to dictate reality “as it is?”
I’m really getting absolutely fed up with you shafters and grifters. I used to think you were all equal, but it turns out that there is something worse than a grifter: a grifter who complains about grifters to give off the illusion that he is not one; one who gives off the impression of wanting to stop the bullshit, to reform Buddhism into honesty, but who will, in the interest of wanting to be granted all the benefits of an aura of superhuman, abandon such sentiments so easily. Again, why is it so hard to admit that you are fully human? What do you think will happen if for once you allowed your ego to come into view instead of suppressing it so as to keep it intact?
It is exactly people like yourself who drive me to the conclusion that Buddhism is a complete dead end. Not Joseph Goldstein and the “mushroom dharma” idiots, not Sogyal, not Sakyong, not Think Not Hahn—not the people who are obvious grifters, but precisely the pragmatic dharmic stealth grifters.
Failed Buddhist
June 26, 2019 at 9:50 am
Again, my apologies if I have been unclear.
It is not at all that no sensations that seemed to be related to a “self” arise, nor that, in a conventional sense, anyone, including me, wouldn’t identify as relating to a “self” in the ordinary sense. As stated in my other reply to Reply #3, those sensations all still occur. However, the perception of them is very different, and thus the interpretation of them is very different.
This is not grifting. This is a learnable skill.
It is a bit like our notions of disease before the microscope. Before the microscope, we thought it was bad air, elves, witches and the like that caused illness, and then, when we could perceive more clearly, we realized that there were bacteria that we hadn’t been able to perceive before. Putrescence was still obviously occurring, but we had a better understanding of exactly what it was.
Same with the sky. Initially, we thought that the Sun and stars moved around the Earth. Then, once our observations got better, we realized we had been wrong.
In the same way, when one gets one’s sensate apparatus better trained, we begin to change our understanding of the world.
I remember when I started learning medicine and I would listen to the heart and lungs and heard sounds but couldn’t interpret them well. I listened to hundreds of lungs and hearts, and eventually I got so that I could hear all sorts of little details that I simply couldn’t before. Every medical student notices this. The sounds are there, but a seasoned clinician can hear all sorts of aspects, fine crackles, coarse crackles, dullness, murmurs, gallops, all sorts of sounds that tell them much about what is really going on with the patient. These are not just meanings, they have actual physiological correlates, and real utilitarian predictive power. This is very frustrating for beginning medical students and residents, but, as one does this day after day, year after year, hundreds or thousands of times, one gets good at it.
In the same way, a person who hasn’t trained this way will not notice that thoughts such as “I”, “me”, “mine”, and all the bodily qualities that accompany those, as well as meanings, images, stories, and other experiences are simply extremely small signals happening in a larger space of experience, vanishing as soon as they arise, and happening perfectly naturally.
In this way, once we train very well, which is not easy, we begin to be able to perceive these experiences that most people would not only call “I”, “me”. and “mine” in the ordinary sense but also entirely believe their own interpretations, we notice that there is something physiologically true about those experiences that we didn’t initially notice. You can describe this all sorts of ways, but that doesn’t change the fact of the underlying process being described.
I don’t want to blow my own horn more than is necessary, but I got presented at a 400-person international neuroscience conference by Dr. Brewer as a freak case of someone performing very unusually on a test. There is a test called the Perceptual Blink Test. I took it when being studied up at Yale some years ago, and I found it delightful, a response normal people don’t have to it, and also apparently got all the answers right, something that humans are not apparently supposed to be able to do, so I later heard.
In the test, a series of sets of ten images are presented flashed on a screen that all have a particular clear orientation, such as houses, faces, trees, etc. One of the images is rotated to the right or left, and your job is to notice which way it is rotated and click a key on the keyboard . However, some images are also extremely graphic, gory, and disturbing. The test is designed to see if people get thrown by the gory image if it occurs within a few images of the rotated image and so miss that the images was rotated.
The sets of 10 images initially are not flashing up that fast, so the test would be easy for most people. However, as it goes on, the images start coming faster and faster, such that, eventually, the images are being flashes so fast on the screen that one with sharp eyes can perceive the diagonal raster patterns on the images that occur as they attempt to refresh out of phase with the refresh rate of the monitor, which obviously is at least 30Hz and might have been 60Hz, not sure. Anyway, this is very fast. Most people apparently start getting towards pure randomness in their guesses at this part of the test, as they just can’t see images that fast. I, on the other hand, got them all right, and not just got them all right, but was disappointed when the test ended, as I wanted to see how fast I could go and didn’t get a chance to do this.
I came out of the test elated, again a totally uncharacteristic response, and they asked why I was so excited. I told them that it was delightful to feel how the mind could just synch to the pulses after two or three frames, knowing how to tune the attention phase such that all images were perfectly perceived. This is not how people normally describe the test, to put it mildly. I felt like that was a test I had trained for years to take.
When my case was presented, most in the audience were in abject disbelief, thinking I must have been some autistic idiot savant with a freak talent. Instead, the truth is that I just trained to perceive things at a rate and with a degree of precision and appreciation of aspects of attention such as frequency and phase that is rare. I only found out about this presentation and how unusual this was after the presentation had already happened. I was actually disappointed, as it meant that it was going to be a lot harder to train others to do this same thing that I had done than I had initially expected. You will notice all the frequencies of perception I mention in MCTB1 and even in much earlier versions (if you had those). I had this naive notion that I would simply point this out to people and they would go, “Ok, cool!” and learn to notice things that fast, but it turns out it is often not that easy, much to my true disappointment.
I have an instrument that to me looks like a precision microscope or telescope, and I realize that, if you don’t have one, then you might be entirely convinced that germ theory is merely a matter of interpretation and meaning, or that whether or not the Sun and stars go around the Earth or the other way around is purely arbitrary. (Actually, from an Einsteinian point of view, it is sort of arbitrary in a Relativity sense, but that is not what I am talking about, obviously.)
I am a guitar player, and I remember hearing friends talk about a guy on YouTube playing Flight of the Bumblebee at 999 BPM. This seemed entirely impossible to me until I watched this video and was blown away by the amazing dexterity and mental speed of this guy, a level of musicianship so far beyond anything I think my fingers could ever do that I stand in complete awe. Yet, he trained to do that, earned it himself by his own hard work, and so must be doable by someone else, and, in fact later there was a video of a guy doing it at 1400 BPM, at which point apparently Guinness World Records decided that they couldn’t no longer even know how to evaluate if people were even playing the notes anymore, as they can’t hear that fast.
In the same way, realize that the spectrum of what people are capable of perceiving and the implications of it shouldn’t be underestimated out of hand, and be appropriately skeptical of your skepticism in this regard. So, perhaps have a touch of appreciation of the fact that we can upgrade the instrument of our minds, and it seems reasonable that, when the outcomes of doing so are so beneficial and make so much sense that we might cultivate some appreciation for the possibility.
I get that, for untrained people, it seems impossible that one could clearly perceive something like 20+ mental impressions per second precede actions along with 20+ mental images per second follow all sensations and also perceive all of those in a wide, spacial sensate context simultaneously while also functionally processing their meanings and implications with such a degree of automatic skill that this has been hardwired to one’s baseline, but I assure you this can be done and that people other than myself also do this today just as they described it 2,500 years ago.
Yes, it is hard to do this for most, though there are a few people who are much more a natural at it than I was and take a lot less training.
If I was a guitar player and reacted to the 999BPM guy like, “Oh, he is such a fraud, such as con, such a cheat. There isn’t really a 999BPM, as that is just an arbitrary designation. His playing is all socially constructed, so arbitrary. Oh, that isn’t even music, so I can dismiss his accomplishment. I don’t even like Flight of the Bumblebees, it just sounds like so much buzzing,” etc. In this way, I would not appear to be very mature, balanced, appreciative, and instead might sound petty, peevish, jealous, reactionary, or some such thing. If I really wanted to train to play that fast, I would likely be very interested in how he did it. If not, I can just appreciate the skill that it took to do that and leave it at that.
Best wishes, and again, sorry for any offense or bad feelings as a result of discussing these things.
danielmingram
June 26, 2019 at 12:14 pm
I would be very interested in reading Ingram’s and other PD proponents’ responses to your incisive remarks. To my thinking, you are offering critical points about PD claims that will be difficult, if not impossible, to refute. Some suggestive notes:
“it is not the experience of cessation that is important but the understanding that the experience promotes.”
The “understanding” itself is, of course, subject to the same alteration over time as must be the ostensible “experience.” If neither experience nor understanding are realistic end points of the exercise, what is? (A question for the thus far absent— lurking?—Pragmatic Dharmasists.)
“I am not sure that this revelation carries all of the implications that members of the PD movement seem to feel that it does.”
To my mind, this points to the confusion between rhetoric and reality that is so widespread in x-buddhist discourse. It involves a category confusion that, in my own analysis, proves itself to be a rhetorical dissimulation. As Laruelle says of philosophers, none of these PD gurus actually do what they say or say what they do. Much of it is the rhetorical display that is an ancient, tried and true feature of spiritualized discourse. Typically, it serves as prologue or preface that frames the teacher’s subsequent body of claims.
“fails to acknowledge the limits of reconstruction (that is, constraints on meaning).”
In addition to being a defensive mechanism, as you say, I think your point raises the issue of performative contradiction plaguing discourses like PD. In their speech, as in their texts, of course they cannot avoid revealing the actual constraints on their “magical” manipulations on “emptiness,” “dissolution” etc. How might their public account of consciousness and reality change if they tarried around and explored these (biological? social? linguistic” etc.) constraints? I also believe we could compile a considerable inventory of pd-buddhist claims and assertions that are “certainly true in a trivial sense,” emphasis on “trivial.”
“That does not mean that the representation has been eliminated from my mind, though.”
Yes, because PD employs, either explicitly or implicitly, the conceptual arsenals of pragmatism, empiricism, and phenomenology, it is a damning, telling failure when they lapse into such mystical obfuscation as here.
“Ingram seems to be claiming that he no longer has a conscious experience of himself as an agent,”
Such nonsense (in Wittgenstein’s sense) raises the question: Who wants this result! Buddhist meditation discourse is run through with claims about “fruits” and “attainments” to which I can only respond: “And exactly why in God’s name should I want that to be the case?” Put another way around, having spent ample time with assorted gurus, sadhus, roshis, tulkus, arhats, mystics, and saints, I have concluded that if they have attained what they claim, then its human value is of a deeply questionable nature. But I prefer to avoid the ad hominem because it operates on the same fruitless field as the guru’s ultimate appeal to the Court of Spiritual Verity: his/her personal experience.
Glenn Wallis
June 21, 2019 at 5:36 pm
Hey, somehow I can’t find the About. Link?
danielmingram
June 21, 2019 at 6:51 pm
tw@gmail.com
parletre
June 21, 2019 at 7:21 pm
Thanks! Sent. While you can do as you like, I might ponder it a day or two before you react, as it is strong stuff.
danielmingram
June 21, 2019 at 7:24 pm
Thank you. Are you comfortable with me posting it on the blog?
parletre
June 21, 2019 at 7:27 pm
Yes, sure, if you really want to. It was written on the presumption that this might be its fate.
danielmingram
June 21, 2019 at 7:34 pm
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Response to Ingram #3 | parlêtre
June 25, 2019 at 4:09 pm
Hi Daniel. These two questions are to your latest comment. (For some reason, there is no “reply” option after it.) (1) Can you say more about how you think your Perceptual Blink Test result impacts the debate on parletre? My interest is from a discourse analysis perspective rather than a philosophy of mind one. So, take your example of the dude playing “Flight of the Bumblebee” at 999 bpm. Does he thereby have any deeper insight into the “nature of music” (whatever the hell that might mean) than the rest of us? Even more to the point, does he thereby have superior insight into the “nature of mind” (an even fuzzier concept)? Does the speed of perception somehow render inoperative the conceptual frameworks that he has been intuitively employing in organizing sensory data? I will claim, as a guitar player, that anyone can play “Flight of the Bumblebee.” That is, anyone can put her fingers in the right positions. Only, she will be doing it at a much, much slower rate than 999 bpm bruv. No one can accuse him of fraudulence because the evidence of his accomplishment is open to public scrutiny. But when he begins claiming an epistemological correspondence between an ability or a skill and objective reality, we might honestly want to question that claim, right? (2) Can you say something about how such a skill matters in terms of life, relationships, affect, whatever? I have known plenty of virtuoso musicians in my life. Most of them have proven also to be virtuoso dicks. So, a recurring question I have about claims to attainments is: and why exactly should I want that outcome? You express a let-down in realizing that you may not be able to teach others to do what you can do perceptually. What do you believe is lost in that loss? Thank you for taking all the trouble to engage here.
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